whoops

question

are hyperbolic statements actually just lies?

oh, we'll have such fun, oh, all the sights we have seen.

no stretch

i am currently as happy as i may ever have been. easily

maybe i'll go out tonight

death

its pretty well documented in my world (by way of my various writings and lectures to my friends) that my mom loves to be the first to announce to me/anyone in earshot (but, really, just me) that someone has died. somewhat horrifyingly, she is currently beside herself over the recent death of an actress from a skiing accident. I walked in on her listening to the Silver Fox explain exactly what happened, and, though she was aware that I was hearing the news at the same time as she was, she insisted on relaying his words to me (who stood, bewildered, a mere 2 feet away from the two of them). I let her do this because I know how much it means to her to be able to do so. And because sometimes its easier to accept such behavior when you are a little drunk.

NEW! IMPROVED! BETTER THAN #1.

kendall + leslie = stupid good 2

candle in the wind

...was just playing in the thai restaurant a block from my house

i'm having the type of day where everything that happens feels a bit more significant than perhaps it really is.

as i already mentioned, i just went to grab some thai food - a gesture of self-congratulations for actually getting my homework done before midnight, really, for getting it done at all. and because i feel too sick to cook.

walking towards the restaurant i saw that i was about to cross paths with a big blonde guy. he had a sort of julius caesar crop going on and was wearing some sort of unflattering leather jacket. still self-conscious about my own bizarro haircut (i look butch as hell), i smiled a little at him just before we actually crossed paths, and right as i did so he extended his right hand out from his thigh, apparently trying to solicit a low-five from me. too confused to deal with this suggestion, i just kept walking, "leaving him hanging," so to speak.

a milisecond later i hear, quietly, slowly and without any aggression, the guy's voice pronounce "cunt."

what's weirdest to me is that i had my hood up such that he couldn't possibly have seen my haircut, so i don't know why i even acknowledged this guy in the first place. despite not having any definitive, in-hindsight plan for how i should have responded, i feel very confident that i did something wrong.

and i forgot about my food.

theres a club if you'd like to go

ha. well i'm pretty sure i don't have a boyfriend anymore. make that positive. my life is a farce.

so i'm about to teach myself the intricacies of zombie/monster-drawing. never been one for scary stuff, but it's do or die that i get good at it - by tomorrow morning....aka i'm totally skipping

what has weed done for you?

plenty

seriously hate my life right now. so listless - and it's fair.
it's noon somewhere, they say.

SO.

so....my birthday has come and gone. and obama is officially president

i'm pretty sure i have a boyfriend now. and i really like him a lot.

my ex-(NOT)-boyfriend has a "girlfriend." and it takes all my strength not to fly to wherever the fuck he is and punch him in the face. and then rip his dick off. clearly i'm in distress right now. happy fucking winter, everybody

in other news, classes are going really well; i have a metropolitan museum library card; sunset wasn't quite through when i got out of class today at 5:40(!); somebody thinks i'm beautiful; i lace my boots up all the way now; and my sister is staying with me tonight and tomorrrow night -it's awesome

gossip squirrel

loving/hating the commonwealth

here at home for another week + a few days. very few of my buddies are in town, and many of those who are actually here keep bailing on me. so i've been spending some serious time trolling the internet, watching documentaries and trying to teach myself how to paint with watercolors.

the rest of my time has been spent putting myself in the most uncomfortable situations i can dream up: visiting old bosses, going to lunch one-on-one with my uncle (actually i got out of this one), asking my mom if she minds me drinking in the house (to which she replied "why are you asking me this? i saw you drinking yesterday and didn't say anything." and then quickly walked away). we run a very passive aggressive ship around here. tomorrow i am meeting with some more of my prior employers. should be sufficiently awkward to maintain my streak.

the most exciting plans i have are to go visit a new "magic and illusions" store that looks totally low-budg and white trash. i actually can't wait to see what they've got in the shell of a building they are passing off as a legitimate business. if they have anything worth buying (be it actually-cool treasures or so-bad-they're-amazing knick-nacks), i have at least three friends back up in new york that are going to be very pleased with me.

yeah, i have more than three friends.

um

what the fuck is going on in this picture??

there is a baby lying face-down on the floor next to a wheelchair-bound man, an extremely angry-looking black dude, and some hispanic ladies with tummies. and this guy who has just been impeached is saying, "look at these totally normal people. see, i picked them as my entourage because they are nothing like me. i look awesome, and they look like they are either about to die and/or want to kill me. everything is a-okay, folks."

always wanted to do this; stole it from amanda

Where did you begin 2008?
At a ski resort with my parents, watching Pretty Woman on a black and white tv, wasted

What was your status by Valentine's Day?
VERY Pointedly single. or at least unofficial and far, far lonelier than I cared to admit at times

Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Often

Did you have to go to the hospital?
Amazingly, no. I did have a certain “upside down magazine” incident during which I genuinely believed I would wake up in a hospital, but this never happened. I also fainted on the subway at some point. And there was excessive talk (from my mother) of me being “institutionalized” if I got another tattoo...

Did you have any encounters with the police?
Not that I can recall

Where did you go on vacation?
skiing a couple of times, and - most importantly - ATLANTIC CITY MADNESS

What did you purchase that was over $500?
my winter coat, some heels

Did you know anybody who got married?
no, but one of my elementary school friends is getting married in a few months…fucking crazy

Did you know anybody who passed away?
yes

Did you move anywhere?
no

What sporting events did you attend?
none. I may have watched the super bowl…

What concerts/shows did you go to?
almost all of the McCarren Park Pool Parties with Jo

Where do you live now?
the Cute Brooklyn Girls Clubhouse

Describe your birthday?
I think I went to dinner with my parents. It was pretty lame, if I remember correctly. This one should be fucking great, though

What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2008?
…plenty of things…kissed boys that I promised myself I would never speak to again; indulged excessively, so to speak; decided eating is better than not eating; painted a mermaid…

What has/have been your favorite moment(s)?
meeting a boy who wants to hold my hand; sitting with Eric and Amanda in their living room; blazing on my roof and looking at the stars; getting a heartfelt handshake of respect from my teacher; going to the Met with all of the people I adore most; having my sister live with me for a whole semester!!!

What's something you learned about yourself?
that I am more fun when I forget to take my medicine; that not as many people from Richmond have forgotten me as I had long assumed; that I have a very gentle soul, and am capable of crying openly in front of hundreds of people

Any new additions to your family?
I don’t think so

What was your best month?
December, by FAR

What music will you remember 2008 by?
Snoop, Biggie, Elliott Smith, Smashing Pumpkins, Marilyn Manson, Neil Young, Kristine’s DJ sets, Nine Inch Nails, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Suede, the usual suspects for me...

Made new friends?
TONS!! (this is something I am super proud to say)

Any regrets?
all of the pricks I bothered to hang out with who didn’t give a rat’s ass about me; not painting more over the summer; changing my appearance to fit in with stupid LA/NY hipster bar fucks; smiling at all the wrong people instead of at the right ones

What do you want to change in 2009?
completely stop caring what the cool kids think about my style; work harder at my craft; get a fucking job!!; go to the gym…EVER; be better about spending money appropriately

Overall, how would you rate this year? From 1-10?
6.5, so not too bad at all…except for the lonely months and the dick suckers I thought I cared about

What would you change about 2008?
I wish I would have taken responsibility for maintaining friendships, instead of relying on others to take the initiative

Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Eric and Amanda’s, DUH! (and way up in oblivion…)

Have any life changes in 2008?
oh, yeah. In the last couple of months, in particular, I’m a changed girl

Change your hairstyle?
Hell, yeah! chopped all the dead weight off in August - never felt better about myself, even though I kinda look like a dude now… but a hot one

Get a new job?
more like passive-aggressively lost one…

How old did you turn this year?
20

Do you have a New Year's resolution?
Not yet, but I know it won’t be anything like those from past years, which generally ran along the lines of: lose weight, make friends, stop spitting gum on the sidewalk…

I’m guessing it’ll be: don’t be so hard on yourself, take it easy, if it feels good do it…

What was/were your favorite purchase[s]?
the one’s with Amanda

Get married or divorced?
nope

Get arrested?
nope

Be honest - did you watch American Idol?
thank god, no.

Did you get sick this year?
all the time; my nose is always running

Start a new hobby?
I picked back up a dormant solitaire addiction with a vengeance, if that counts…

Been snowboarding?
on the 1st and 2nd I think

Are you happy to see 2008 go?
yes, only because 2009 is going to continue a winning streak that only just started a month or so ago

thoughts

both charles manson and marilyn manson are better at drawing than i am.
at least i'm turning into quite a pro at 3-second drawings of marilyn.

would i die without black jeans? probably.

oh, and this:

(simpson trial evidence that i found by searching "lewinsky footage")

and this

(which i found by searching "creepy graveyard")

stupid emo bitch

nothing bad happened in my life, i was just listening to something very sad, but i was crying. i'm a big sap nowadays, a total sucker for a sad story. anyways, i realized that even when i'm by myself and crying - especially when i'm by myself - i don't like to wipe away tears. i'm certain that this is almost entirely an aesthetic concern, though obviously no one would see tears reaching my jaw but me, and i think it is a weird habit to have. i don't even really want to rationalize this, it's a stupid thing to do, but i guess the perfectionist within me believes that tears aren't real unless they are literally rolling down my cheek.

screw you

and your music, leonard cohen. really, just your music.

alright

this is a berrichon drawing of young french poet rimbaud that has precisely nothing to do with this post. i just like it.

* * *

i didn't eat a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich this morning. AND i even had a 9am class...this is truly a momentous thing. it speaks only of positive changes to come: i can change my habits; i am theoretically not snowballing towards unfettered gluttony; this also means that i saved about 2 dollars. i'm such a good kid.

good bad drawings vs. bad bad drawings...OR... good bad drawings vs. good good drawings...OR... good good drawings vs. bad good drawings. think about it. i'm pretty sure the middle battle is the most frightening and, right now, important. i'm a swing vote here, honestly.

just hanging out, looking really good

can't sleep anymore.

thurrrsday

"Bawdy jokes are okay if they're really good." -Antonin Scalia

earlier, a homeless man pissed on me while i was walking up the stairs at the lorimer L stop - assertively and intentionally.... you know, just building up my immune system here. no big deal.

...this, of course, totally overshadows an event that took place only a few hours earlier: literally being mistaken for (the 20yrs older??) winona ryder on the f train.

tough love

am I the ONLY nerd alive who isn't into comics??

I'm very frustrated right now with school and my artwork. I don't consider myself academic, but I've basically had straight A's in my liberal arts classes since I got to college. I do, however, see myself as artistically inclined and relatively talented, but my grades have been pretty mediocre in my studio classes for a while now.

Just this week I was told that I needed to re-do three different assignments. I know that I'm only going to get better with the extra practice and the attention paid to me by teachers who like to say, "I know you have it in you to produce better work, so I need you to show it..." but it's still hard for me to take right now. These are supposed to be my Good classes...I'm the ArtsyFartsy twin...I don't want to be better at writing essays than I am at painting! (though, on a slightly different note, I was told by one of my art heroes that I shouldn't even really concentrate on painting anymore...in so many words. ugghhh, painting's all that I like about making art!)

ftw

blazing on a sunny afternoon

no one ever told me growing up that 1. you can wear a sweater without a shirt underneath; 2. it is sexy. perhaps i never figured this out because all of my sweaters were very scratchy when i was a kid, but now that i'm a prissy snob, my sweaters are soft. thus, minutes ago, i discovered that it is possible to look hot in a sweater. and it's much comfortable than when i stick an oxford underneath. this is such a small but mighty victory for me and my recession-stunted fall wardrobe. ...unfortunately, the androgyny factor has been dulled considerably; i think we'll survive.

omg election day. mayhem will ensue tonight