fuck

late night style.
not cut out for it.
'hunger pains got me on some migraine shit, but ima maintain'

don't even worry about it, though, it's summer fun for certain

enough with reticence

i'm going to start telling more stories, because sometimes remotely-interesting things happen in my life and i should share them.

take, for instance, tonight: i went to the gym. a new equinox opened in the meatpacking district not too long ago and i thought i would go there for a change...and i haven't been to the gym in probably a month.

so i already knew going in that this gym was going to be ridiculous, and probably not very crowded. this was an understatement, for sure: i was one of two girls there and one of probably 15 people working out total. this means that i had the locker room and showers to myself, was the only person on a treadmill, and was the only one using the stretching room (yeah, a freaking separate stretching room that is separated from the rest of the gym by a curtain of metal chains = insane). it was glorious. i was royalty. all the gays loved my tattoo, and one complimented me on my push-up skills (which are pretty tremendous, i'll admit). so i guess this isn't a story so much as a review of the new gym that i will be going to from now on (i mean, why should i go back to the crowded and slightly-less-new locations when i can go to the one a block away from Jeffrey? exactly.)

oh...

i'd say i hate you plenty enough for both of us.


on a different note, at least i'm not the world's most embarrassing fool...at least. can't make new friends in crowded places to save my godforsaken life, apparently. too awkward. i guess you just have to learn to appreciate me over time. i guess that's okay by me.

thanks, MSNBC

for this image of a seal fucking a penguin

RIP

Bed.

So badass. Thanks for everything, Robert Rauschenberg.

Earlier today (his death wasn't announced until a little while ago, though he died last night, i think) my painting teacher and I were having an artbattle in which his name came up several times...and in the process of this "discussion" my teacher made the ostentatious claim that he and Rauschenberg were basically best friends. blatant lie, i assume, but you never know.

One time a museum guard at the Philadelphia Museum of Art made me look at a Rauschenberg until I could "find the secret picture"...which was allegedly a kitten's face. i didn't want to break her heart, but she clearly had spent way too much time in charge of that room. it was sort of like when you see a human face in the leaves of a tree...pretty subjective and NOT the intention of the creator

this just in:

my adobe master collection! way to make my day, mr. postman! things are looking good.

to get back to what you were saying

why not?

i highly doubt you still think about me. your friends are horrible people, by the way...we're talking about maturity levels of five year olds. you make me sick, you were a waste of time. and, even now, right now, you are still winning for the following reasons: i am still talking/thinking/writing about you; you are making me sound like a petty, incoherent ragdoll; i secretly want to be like you - still. i'd make a wager that you would have actually wanted me if i had held onto my strength, my individuality, my spunk (i know i have quite a bit of each of these, i just forgot about that for 4 months); i forgot how to work the system, to play the game. fuck all my friends for not really stepping in there and calling me out on my bullshit - or at least not telling me that i was doing it all wrong. you just told me to quit, cold-turkey, and we all knew that would never happen. fucking insane. i know i'm worth it, so i just don't understand. and, for real, those lyrics WERE about me. don't even try to pretend otherwise.

i need
an idea, worthy preferably
an affection, worthy as well...reciprocated???!!!!?? (why does this part not happen anymore?)
cash, immediately
self respect, in any measure
a new thumb ring
to sleep without waking at 4 in the morning
cheerful philosophy


this is horrendous.

so i've been busy

...very preoccupied with finding a roommate for the summer and/or for next fall. things are looking up, though, so i may finally have this particular weight off my shoulders in a couple of days. unfortunately, though the experience of showing my place with my sister, i learned that my social anxiety is MUCH, much more pronounced than i had ever imagined. And i thought i had been improving my skills at dealing with meeting new people. i was wrong.



oh, but let me just say that ive been spending my time being fabulous lately. you know, painting like a master, being sophisticated, living life, taking advantage of the city, actually hanging out with people that i like. yeah, don't worry about it: i'm a fucking changed lady.

perhaps its the weather.