accomplished

danville antiques

victor osborne

like i said, i look pretty good in hats. Victor Osborne is probably 3 blocks away from me on the same street, and i can pretty much already tell that i am going to develop a problem sooner or later - though, not a problem for them, i suppose.

quentin crisp was almost amazing

that's all i'm saying.

laura is moving in today. we had our birthday on friday and informally celebrated at our friend's party - held in a sprawling upper west side apartment devoid of furniture. it was awesome. we ate dinner next to zach of beirut.

so far i have finished the first four days of classes, and so far the prospects are good for a solid semester. each of my classes fall into one of two categories: 1. fun/enjoyable/things i love no matter how much work they involve, or 2. super easy to bullshit. doesn't that sound great? it is.

though i should be cleaning up the house and doing some homework, i think i am going to get somewhat dolled-up (despite the bitter cold) and go hat shopping. i am a hat person, and unfortunately it has taken me quite some time to accept this.

yes, but it's ugly.

only one thing matters here, that it looks ugly. so what if this Readius thing has a screen that freaking folds up. it's ugly as sin. so what if it's partially funded by Phillips (i have a crush on them), it looks like my mom's 1995 mini-tape voice recorder.

at least i dream when i sleep

that opening fucking sucked, by the way.

my dad is finally going to get a wedding band. god bless him. 30 years late, but that's just fine. i haven't heard my mom with this much happiness in her voice in such a long time. however superficial wedding bands may seem, they hold a heck of a lot of meaning in my world, as i would imagine is true in pretty much everyone else's worlds, too - except for maybe the fucking heartless post-gender academic whackjobs that like to argue with me about shit such as the societal value of hugh heffner's girlfriends...obviously, i love the Girls Next Door, but i'm not going to ramble any further about my rationale. all that said, i'm pretty excited about this.

Celebrity Rehab is a fantastic piece of television. genius idea, producers, nice job.

that might be all that i have to say.

this is what those drawings look like

a pina bausch dancer that could potentially have leapt out of my sketchbook - if she were naked.

i'm not the only one who needs to cool it...

...my drawings, too, need to relax in a big way. good god. a flip through my sketchbooks can be pretty stressful experience - everybody in there is tense, muscular, splayed-out, contorted, tumbling around, or at least in a general state of dysphoria. it's insane.

almost everything in my sketchbooks comes from my imagination - thus, the vast majority of these are the stressed-out people mentioned above. the ones drawn from life are fine; totally calm, collected, a little bit bored - kind of like the models that sit for my classes (this is not a complaint - just a casual observation). so, basically, i can record what i see in an aesthetically-pleasing way most of the time, but left to my own devices things get pretty agitated pretty quickly. awesome. also, i have a really hard time inventing fat people. love drawing them from life, but no dice on my own - i guess a lifetime of utterly refusing to look closely at the obese could be to blame.

my sister tells me that if i ever get into one of these moods where i start thinking shit like "i'm not a REAL artist," etc. i should read Twyla Tharp's book - i don't even know what the title is. apparently she (the modern dance choreographer responsible for those hp ads with famous people's hands - she taught them all how to relax their fingers because they were concentrating too much and their fingers were panicking) explains to the reader that such doubts about artistic worth are ridiculous; basically, just accept that since at this point in time nearly everything has already been said or done, even if you end up only introducing innovation in the form of nuance (instead of revolution) you have done something worthy. or something along those lines. see, i don't even need to read the book.

fuck, i hate that i can't invent complexity. at this point in my game, the best i can do is copy what i can see around me, or hope that i can remember an image well enough to reproduce it later.

better ideas for resolutions in oh-h8

Happy Lee-Jackson (-King) Day.

1. quit apologizing
2. be confident (in everything)
3. quit apologizing

-out and about town today, i was pretty confident.
-someone told me very gravely that i look like kate moss, and a friend told me that they hated me - in a good way.
-granted, i apologized more than i ought have, but it was a start.

later, my sister made me realize that i had NOTHING (except stress, pain, and guilt) to gain from pursuing a certain relationship, and as a result of this epiphany, i represented myself with dignity and integrity by canceling plans that were eating me alive with anxiety. can't ask for anything more than that. right now, i can't help but feel a little bit crazed, though at least i can console myself knowing that i acted in my own, worthy interest. also, he never really kissed me.

tomorrow, i am going to go to an art opening, probably alone, and somewhat unbelievably, i am confident that this one is going to be attended by lots of straight boys that are just my type. things are - potentially - looking up here.

my sister also made me realize that the price i have paid for moving to new york city has been my self-confidence. for i guess a bunch of reasons, ever since moving here my notion of self-worth has steadily plummeted. it's a fucking shame. i mean, deep down i do know that i am a great gal and that i have LEAGUES more to offer the world than do the majority of its other denizens, but most days i am more apt to agree with a population that deems me mediocre, at best. as i said, it's a fucking shame.

i think i need to realign my thought processes - as evidenced above, they are completely off kilter. thank god, i can grasp this.

leslie

bizarre but appropriate

i confess it's a shame when your livin in a city
that's the size of a Box and nobody knows yo name
-skee-lo, i wish

i smiled a lot today

yes. love the report.

too bad i was THERE just weeks before this went up (see post regarding d.c. excursion). pretty bad at timing.

gym time, baby. gotta make up for lost time.
bought a new showerhead today, and true to form, i am more excited about it than anything else.

i'm leaving tomorrow morning. and i'm nervousexcited about the next few weeks. new classes, trying to make/maintain friends, not succumbing to seasonal-depressive symptoms, figuring out spring break and summer plans (right now i am pretending that they are both going to be glorious and filled with adventure)... but, there are some good things to remember:

- no more EXTRA, NOT-FOR-CREDIT classes that used to literally make me sick to my stomach
- days can only get longer from now on. that is certain.
- this year CANNOT be worse than last year.
- lots of new, pretty furniture is on it's way
- my mess sink is getting installed on thursday, so that i will no longer need to ruin my kitchen sink (and every surface in its vicinity) with gesso, thinner, and toxic pigments
- i told cool guy, "i dont think its a good idea for you to contact me anymore"
- i got several awesome birthday presents (robert e. lee pocket knife -heck yes- and a secret...)
i might buy myself some presents: maybe a glass muller and grinding surface, some nice sandals, and maybe some books, too.
- back-to-school shopping!!

yes, i really am this much of a shallow mess sometimes. but, i'm starting to be okay with it.

daddy ain't no "glove martyr"

a classic. i'm in the center drowning things out. not posed - on my honor.

we had a good talk about THE crisis facing kids my age: no one goes on dates like they used to. my dad is pretty traumatized by this fact. in fact, it blows his mind. 30 minutes straight on the subject.

if i was in a band, i would play the bass. and i would stand really still. the bass would be strapped pretty high up on my chest. this is so that i would not look pretentious and "way too into the music" - like saying, "hey guys i'm just learning this thing - not quite ready for all that prancing and leaping stuff quite yet. let me know if you think i'm any good at this thing, and maybe ill consider rocking back and forth. fans, you keep me posted." also i'd lip-sync.

i tried to be neighborly today. had some wins, some loses. worth the effort, i guess.

this year is going to be pretty good.

at 16 he ran away from home to join the circus as a cage motorcycle rider

guilty pleasure =

bad music. number one. can't get enough.

maybe i've got a chance with this guy up north. i mean, he IS straight. call me crazy, but he seems almost as lonely as me. and that's saying something. maybe he's insecure, too. maybe he even knows who i am/has been trying to look cool and aloof because -JUST MAYBE- he wanted to impress me. maybe he thinks i'm as cold and impersonal, holier-than-thou, and mysteriously attractive as i think that he is. maybe not.

great time chatting and cruising around this deserted town with k-doll just now (in the mini-van, with which i have been bonding all break long). it was so nice. i love this town, too. 

i look forward to the possibility of spending this summer in vienna. i think i would really enjoy it there. just hope it, or something nearly as nice, works out for me. 

leslie loves problem solving

oh, and these.

dad doesn't wear a wedding band, cause he's a jerk sometimes.

here he is inspecting that of a distant relative. still love him.

family

coping

these are the new bangs.

some thoughts: (1) i cut them shorter on one side, or

(2) keep them this length and cut the rest of my hair shorter (MUCH shorter)

too tired to see a movie at the theatre with my friend from high school, but i've got plenty enough energy to watch one by myself in the isolationist comfort of my parents' house. god, i'm a cool person.

richardson is a dumb guy. 

that man was extremely friendly to me. remembered me even. maybe he thinks of me as much as i think of him. they say, absinthe makes the heart grow stronger. 

leslie loves duran duran

rent a flat above a shop

cut your hair and get a job

smoke some fags and play some pool

pretend you never went to school

but still you'll never get it right

cos when you're laying in bed at night

watching roaches climb the wall

if called your dad he could stop it all

never live like common people

never do what common people do

never fail like common people

watch your life slide out of view

then dance and drink and screw

because there's nothing else to do

i want to live with common people like you

this kills me: that someone told me to listen to this because "this song was written about you." 

pretty shitty indeed. fucking losers. i do what i want. i don't pretend to be what i am not. (most of the time)

leslie craves the grass of another field

months ago

i am turning into bridget jones

single, lame, complaining. ew. 

haircut. painted room navy blue. 

love kenny v. spenny.

bobo left home today, she's my best friend. i already miss her. 

apparently, i have recently "taken to wearing costumes" which is really something that i was prone to do in middle/high school. i think it's the hats and the excess layers - but, really, it's cold as heck outside. 

i think tonight is first friday, and i should probably go - you know, check out the competition. but no doubt i will find 3 to 5 excuses to stay at home, legitimate or otherwise. i've got a whole wall to paint, business cards to design, and maybe practice my skills by illustrating the presidential candidates. maybe i will post them. 

about the candidates: i would be happy with just about any of them, a notion that i had thought completely impossible before last night. so it goes. i'm going to have to make up my mind based on semi-arbitrary qualifications such as hairstyle, family members, etc. (hairstyle: romney wins, hillary loses; family: hillary probably wins, huckabee loses by a landslide) that said, again, i don't really care. 

leslie loves to hear that she has solid comedic timing.

forgot to mention

things i learned recently:

• one of my grandfathers was a proud member of the "dogtown gang" of old manchester, rva.
• the other of my grandfathers got a NAVY tattoo and then joined the ARMY. 

leslie loves her family

back

eye by the smashing pumpkins is pretty good. never knew. 

since i've been out of town i've really been collecting all sorts of compliments from all sorts of people. highlights include:

- (a compilation) "oh, so you're the alternative/dominant/aggressive one." (as opposed to my twin) 

- "it is to your credit that i never knew you were a snowboarder." favorite

- "your paintings are nice, but i paint angels from my head. and clouds." 

- "i bet he couldn't tell if you were a woman or a man." (thanks, dad.) similarly: "you know it's okay with me if you're gay. you can come out." (oh, cool. i'm not gay, dad.)

- "are you wearing that $4 sweater you bought 30 minutes ago?........wait. so, what were you GOING to wear to the wedding??"

got some quality movie watching done. and some hardcore genealogy. pretty productive.

no resolutions yet. my sister's: "to be a cold-hearted bitch." nice one.

i'm thinking, "attempt to be 'neighborly' at least once." maybe that one's the ticket. maybe not.

leslie loves making changes