to get back to what you were saying

why not?

i highly doubt you still think about me. your friends are horrible people, by the way...we're talking about maturity levels of five year olds. you make me sick, you were a waste of time. and, even now, right now, you are still winning for the following reasons: i am still talking/thinking/writing about you; you are making me sound like a petty, incoherent ragdoll; i secretly want to be like you - still. i'd make a wager that you would have actually wanted me if i had held onto my strength, my individuality, my spunk (i know i have quite a bit of each of these, i just forgot about that for 4 months); i forgot how to work the system, to play the game. fuck all my friends for not really stepping in there and calling me out on my bullshit - or at least not telling me that i was doing it all wrong. you just told me to quit, cold-turkey, and we all knew that would never happen. fucking insane. i know i'm worth it, so i just don't understand. and, for real, those lyrics WERE about me. don't even try to pretend otherwise.

i need
an idea, worthy preferably
an affection, worthy as well...reciprocated???!!!!?? (why does this part not happen anymore?)
cash, immediately
self respect, in any measure
a new thumb ring
to sleep without waking at 4 in the morning
cheerful philosophy


this is horrendous.